What do you tell your children about Charlie Kirk’s murder?
Most of us have been completely absorbed in the assassination of Charlie Kirk. And as such, we adults are grieving. As the result of seeing a parent grieve, children are naturally inquisitive about what happened. So, what do you tell your children when the unimaginable happens? On Wednesday, the unimaginable did happen.
Please don’t hide your feelings from your children. Even little children can sense tension, strife, and sadness. Most of us are not great at acting normal when we’re devastated ourselves. Swallowing your own sorrow in order to protect your children is not wise. Children are affected by everything that happens in your family.
Grief and sorrow are a natural part of life. Normalize it for your kids. It is okay for children to see you cry. What they need to know is that you are sad right now, but you won’t always be sad and you will be okay. Trying to shield your children and hide your grief can have far greater consequences.
Let them know that it’s okay to be sad or confused, or even mad. In fact, all their feelings are okay. You might tell them that you also have those same feelings.
Ecclesiastes 3 is a great chapter to share with children. “There’s a time to live and a time to die.” This was Charlie’s time to die. “There’s a time to laugh and a time to cry.” This is our time to cry.
Death gives us as parents an opportunity to share about heaven with our children and God’s plan of salvation. Avoid using phrases like, “He passed away. He’s in a better place now.” Say what it is, “Charlie died and death means that you can’t hear or see or feel and his body no longer works.” When somebody who knows Jesus dies, nobody will see them again until heaven one day.
2. Why did Charlie have to die?
Be honest with your kids. Being honest does not mean that you have to tell them everything. Use simple and concrete language. Don’t share more with them than they can handle at their chronological stage of development. Being honest may be painful, but being dishonest will cause children to have issues trusting adults.
The truth is that a man filled with evil and hate decided that he didn’t like the things that Charlie was saying and that man made the decision to shoot and kill Charlie. Be ready for a whole lot more questions about what Charlie’s message was. His message was the good news of Jesus. You might want to share the story of Stephen from the Bible because he too was martyred for his faith.
Avoid saying things like, “God needed Charlie with Him in heaven.” God doesn’t have any needs. He is sovereign and in control all the time. Avoid saying, “Charlie will be looking down on his family.” If anyone in heaven can look at things going on here on earth, then the joy of heaven would evaporate quickly. Avoid saying, “Charlie’s an angel now.” Saved people do not become angels after death.
3. Did God love Charlie and if He did, then why did He let Charlie die? Why didn’t God stop the man with the gun?
You do NOT have to have all the answers to life’s questions. Truth is, none of us know the answer to those questions. Only God knows the answer to such questions. Bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. The difference is that when something horrible happens to a child of God, that person and his/her family has a hope that non-believers do not have. Knowing God gives us hope that when our loved ones die, we will see them again in heaven and we will know them and they will know us. And heaven is forever. Charlie is now in heaven with God.
God loved Charlie very much and Charlie loved God very much. Charlie spent his life telling people about God. I don’t know why God let Charlie die, but I do know that whenever any of God’s children suffer or die, God can use that pain to help other people know about Him. God did not kill Charlie. A man filled with evil and hate in his heart killed him.
4.Is God going to let me get hurt or you get hurt?
Children are by their nature self-centered. They are dependent upon their parents or primary caregivers for their security. This question is a question that reveals a natural fear for children.
Avoid telling them absolutes like, “This will never happen to you” or “Dad and I will be with you forever.”
We can’t promise our children these things. But here are some things you can promise them: 1). That you will always love them 2). That God will always love them. 3). That you will always do your best to protect them. 4). That heaven is real and it’s forever. 5). That God wants us all to be with Him in heaven one day, but that day will not happen until they are hopefully old and gray.
5. Children grieve very differently than we adults grieve.
Little children grieve in spurts. The younger the child, the shorter their moments of grief might be. In fact, children can cry one minute and be playing the next. The older a child is, the longer they can grieve. If I’m grieving, I can lay on the couch for days and cry and eat bonbons. Children cannot hold onto grief like that and thank God they can’t.
6. Keep their routine as consistent as possible. Routine builds security for children.
7. Always give them hope. John 3:16 is a simple Bible verse that can give children hope.
We all need hope. That is especially true when bad things happen. Pray with your children so that they will learn that in the darkest times of life, you turn to Christ for help. Teach your children Scripture so that when bad things happen, they have the Word of God tucked away in their heart. Let your children see your own trust in God.
8.Don’t keep the tv on 24/7. While you don’t want to avoid talking honestly about such things with your children, you also do not want to immerse them constantly in the sadness of this situation. Take them outside. Let them play and be children.
